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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29841177">Not As It Seems XLIII</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/eliniel/pseuds/eliniel'>eliniel</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Not As It Seems Series [43]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Final Fantasy XIV</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anger, Arguing, Blood and Injury, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Making Up, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Scars, Trauma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 22:20:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,565</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29841177</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/eliniel/pseuds/eliniel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After a near brush with death, the Warrior of Light resolves to work herself into the ground to better herself. Emet-Selch doesn't agree with this plan.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Emet-Selch/Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Not As It Seems Series [43]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2175447</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>50</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Not As It Seems XLIII</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Please mind the tags. There is a flashback with blood, depictions of previous traumas and scars.</p><p>I do hope you enjoy this. I was sobbing trying to write it ;-;</p><p>References in this fic are from <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/20327236">Part XIII</a></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The sweat sliding down my back itched; my stomach growled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>My tongue was as dry as paper. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I narrowed my eyes onto the striking dummy as I panted, trying to ignore each annoying sensation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>My cheeks and lips were chapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Each heaving breath in the cold air </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurt </span>
  </em>
  <span>my lungs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But I </span>
  <em>
    <span>couldn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> stop, I told myself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not after-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The scene flashed in my head again, as it had many times since. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was lying on the ground, fading in and out of consciousness. Blood- </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> blood- pooled in the dirt under me as Alisaie shouted my name from a few fulms away, a hand pressed to her own wound- unable to move, unable to </span>
  <em>
    <span>help</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her voice sounded </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> far away…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And I knew then that I was </span>
  <em>
    <span>right</span>
  </em>
  <span> at death’s door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I’d been this close to dying before and had not minded. My life for the cause. But somehow, </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> was different. This time, I didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to go. The thought of leaving my friends to clean up the mess I’d made...the thought of leaving this world behind to be overtaken by Light…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thought of leaving </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span> here alone without me. Unable to help him find a new way to accomplish our goals. Unable to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>together</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thought of...</span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> seeing his smile again- </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> smile that he gifted to me and </span>
  <em>
    <span>only</span>
  </em>
  <span> me. The smile that transcended time and tragedy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had put his hope in me. What would happen to that hope when I was gone?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I could feel my face begin to crumple as the panic gripped me. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m not ready to die yet</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Water filled my eyes as Urianger leaned over me, dumping his astrolabe to the ground. His hand shone bright with healing light, but his eyes were full of fear as his eyes scanned my injury, beholding the extent of the damage. I grabbed his wrist with the last of my strength, digging my nails into his skin and forcing him to meet my gaze. What he saw on my face, I wasn’t sure, but he exhaled a shaky breath and nodded his head with resolve.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thancred did his best to hold the beast off as the elezen did what he could- knitting my bones and skin back together </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> enough to stop the profuse amount of bleeding and keep me alive until they were in a position to move me elsewhere. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But </span>
  <em>
    <span>Gods</span>
  </em>
  <span>, the </span>
  <em>
    <span>pain</span>
  </em>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My head swam in response and cool, soothing darkness began beckoning me to join it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My eyelids began to droop, unable to fight any longer.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I thought, the voice in my head weak and raspy as it begged me to stay awake. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Please, I...</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t listen. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>couldn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a cacophony of cries around me as I gave in to the call and slumped into the moistened dirt, stained red.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d won, in the end. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Barely</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And with no help from me, the one who asked them to come along. I had been only a hindrance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And </span>
  <em>
    <span>then</span>
  </em>
  <span>, as if that wasn’t bad enough, they’d had to carry me back to the Crystarium for more specialized healing. I didn’t wake up for two days.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Pathetic</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>My strength had gotten me through many dangers, that much was true. But in the end, my arrogance had put them all in danger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head violently, forcing the memory from my mind before launching into my rotation again.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Harder</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Push, push, </span>
  <em>
    <span>push</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Never</span>
  </em>
  <span> allow yourself to feel that weak again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because of you, your friends almost died. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> almost died. What good are you to anyone if you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>dead</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There you are.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>My heart skipped a beat and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I was so deep into my own thoughts, I hadn’t even heard him approach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had been sound asleep this morning as I laid awake, mind turning and turning. I hadn’t wanted to disturb him with my dullardry again, so I soundlessly slipped out of bed and wandered outside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I swallowed down my surprise and didn’t pause, not even for half a moment. I couldn’t allow it- I hadn’t the time. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> to get better. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>couldn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> let that happen </span>
  <em>
    <span>again</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I had been </span>
  <em>
    <span>lucky</span>
  </em>
  <span> in the past- that was all. And one day, that luck was bound to run out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long have you been out here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A while,” I bit out as best I could between breaths. My head began to swim. I blinked, trying to keep the world from spinning as I lunged forward, slashing my rapier against the target. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the melee moveset was finished, I flipped backwards, landing near where the Ascian stood. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>...And stumbled to the side, sucking in a sharp gasp as I pitched into him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt his fingers wrap around my arms as he attempted to steady me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>How long</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” He asked again,a smidge of irritation now coating his voice. I shrugged him off with a click of my tongue and faced the dummy once more, resuming my stance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I wasn’t counting.” I took a single second to glance up towards the sky, quickly judging the angle of the sun. “A few hours, maybe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The hand gripping the sword visibly shook and I clenched my jaw. I bolted forward again to hide the trembling, hoping he hadn’t seen it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A few </span>
  <em>
    <span>hours</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” He repeated incredulously. “And how many breaks have you had? Water? Did you even eat this morning?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I breathed an unamused laugh, slicing deep cuts into the wood. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Breaks</span>
  </em>
  <span>, my mind scoffed. I couldn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>afford</span>
  </em>
  <span> breaks. Not when I had been-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hero.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Couldn’t he just leave me </span>
  <em>
    <span>alone</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Hero!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a groan, I finally stopped, throwing my rapier to the ground in frustration. I whipped around to face him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>What?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pursed his lips as he stood with his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes scanning me closely. I breathed furious breaths through my nose, my annoyance rising every second he stood in silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Well?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Finally, he sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I understand that you’re...upset-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Upset?</span>
  </em>
  <span> I almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>died</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Do you?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” His eyes narrowed at me and I averted mine from him, huffing a low chuckle. “You are </span>
  <em>
    <span>thousands</span>
  </em>
  <span> of years old, Emet-Selch. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nigh immortal</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> let me forget it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your point, Warrior of Light?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You may </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> people who have died, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ascian</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but how close to death have </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> ever been?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I held- and </span>
  <em>
    <span>continue</span>
  </em>
  <span> to hold- the </span>
  <em>
    <span>entire</span>
  </em>
  <span> weight of my home’s fate on my </span>
  <em>
    <span>back</span>
  </em>
  <span>-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Others, yes. But have you </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever</span>
  </em>
  <span> experienced that for yourself?” I spat. “Do you </span>
  <em>
    <span>truly</span>
  </em>
  <span> know what it’s like to lie on the ground, nearly cleaved in two, wondering which breath would be your last, and simply due to your own shortcomings?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt water sting my eyes and my face grew hot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That your own stupidity could have killed not only your friends but yourself as well? That, with your death, you could have doomed an entire world because you weren’t up to the task? What </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span> is a failed, dead hero?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silence fell between us for several moments as we stared at each other. The frown on his face was as deep as the glare in his gaze. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>also</span>
  </em>
  <span> hold the fate of my world on my back, you know,” I reminded him, my voice now soft and sad. Defeated. “But at least you don’t go recklessly throwing your life away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And yet, here you stand,” he commented, motioning to me with one hand. “As whole and hale as ever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only by chance.” I huffed. “Small miracles, I suppose.” He heaved another deep sigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> your fault, hero,” he assured me. “I have known </span>
  <em>
    <span>true</span>
  </em>
  <span> failure and this?” He motioned to me again- to the scar I now bore. “This was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” I laughed, roughly wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt. “Right.” I moved to pick up the rapier I had discarded on the ground. “How would you know? You weren’t even there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wasn’t I?” The timbre of his voice had changed- to something light. Teasing. Playful. I clenched my jaw, his words only angering me further.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Watching from the shadows again, I assume?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aren’t I always?” I laughed again, short and sharp, blinking away a new round of tears as the realization laid over me, thick and heavy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well then, </span>
  <em>
    <span>thank you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, dear Ascian,” I said, with the most sardonic tone I could muster, then bowed mockingly at the waist. “For not bothering to lift a finger while I nearly died on the ground.” I straightened again, turning towards the striking dummy once more, trying to keep my voice from faltering. “I now understand just how much I mean to you. In bed for a week and didn’t come to visit me once.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hero-” I shook my head despite the warning in his voice. I did not have room in my aching heart for excuses. I had been a fool to think that he would treat me differently than anyone else, to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> scared of leaving him behind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was mortal still, afterall. As ephemeral as they come. He may have put </span>
  <em>
    <span>some</span>
  </em>
  <span> of his hope in me, but I was easily replaced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is the weight </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> bear, Emet-Selch,” I said sadly, once more dropping into my stance. “And I do not need your pity. I know when I’ve screwed up. Now, I need to make myself better so it does not happen again. Clearly, I cannot count on </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyone</span>
  </em>
  <span> to help me, nor should I when I have made stupid mistakes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not a second later, I was back at it- beating up the target to the best of my ability. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Working yourself into the ground is </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> the way to do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I ignored him. It didn’t matter if he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>right</span>
  </em>
  <span>. If I didn’t continue, the thoughts would invade my head again. The crushing sense of failure would consume me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Enough, hero.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I had let them down. How could they trust me if I-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt one leg give out as I put my weight on it, preparing to flip backwards. I lost my footing and sucked in a sharp breath as I began falling to my knee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Enough</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” the Ascian commanded, nearly growling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before I knew what was happening, he had caught my hand and pulled me against him. I tried to jerk my arm out of his grasp, but he held on tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you-” He twisted my wrist until I dropped my weapon to the ground. “Ow! Stop-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a grunt, he hoisted me up, throwing me over his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Emet-Selch-</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you refuse to listen to reason, Warrior of Light, only one path remains.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What </span>
  <em>
    <span>path</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” I hissed as I struggled against his hold.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Action</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” His arms tightened around my legs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me down-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>No</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I placed my hands on his shoulder, trying my best to sit up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Head down,” he warned. I clicked my tongue as he turned the knob on my front door and pushed it open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>My head smacked against the top of the frame as he walked through. I cursed loudly as my arms gave out from under me. I put one hand on the back of my head, tears rising to my eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Ascian sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> warn you.” I pouted my lips but remained quiet, rubbing my scalp to soothe the throb in my head the impact caused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are you taking me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To rest.” I pouted my lips but folded my arms against his back and rested my cheek on top of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” I mumbled with a huff, finally letting him carry me through the house and up the stairs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When we arrived in my bathing room, he set me down on the counter of the sink. Upon his snap, the tub began to fill with steaming hot water. Next to me, a glass of water appeared, filled nearly to the brim.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Drink,” he ordered without turning to me as he shucked his gloves onto the floor and reached into the bathtub to feel the temperature. I eyed the cup warily for several moments. “Hero.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I rolled my eyes but did as he said, lifting the glass from where it sat. I began drinking it slowly, until I realized how thirsty I truly was, then drained it in its entirety a few moments later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> good, as cold as it was. I could feel it spreading through my whole body, relieving it of the heat and rage that I had built up over the hours of constant movement. The ache in my head began to ease as well and I sighed, eyes falling to my lap, the tightness in my muscles beginning to fade.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Gods</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I thought as the fire inside of me was extinguished. Had I...really said those awful things to him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Better?” I saw his feet turn towards me, though the long hem of his tunic swayed as he began undressing. I nodded, my face flushing in embarrassment over the words I had spat at him mere minutes before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was-he was still here, even after the vitriol I had spouted at him in my anger. I had insulted him </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>his people and yet, he was-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. After we bathe, we’ll have lunch.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His shirt and jacket fell to the ground in a heap and he closed the distance between us, stepping out of his boots as he did. He plucked the glass from my hand and set it off to the side, then slid his fingers under the hem of my shirt, purposefully brushing my midsection with his nails. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hesitated for a moment, understanding what he wanted to do. My stomach twisted into knots as I loosely hugged myself, refusing to meet his eye. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hadn’t allowed him to see it when I had finally made my way home the night before. To his credit, he hadn’t pushed. But now-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on,” he urged softly, tugging upward. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yet, even with his encouragement, I was unsure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had taken </span>
  <em>
    <span>years</span>
  </em>
  <span> to come to terms with the hideous claw marks on my back that Ifrit had given me- so many that I was mostly numb to the experience, even if I didn’t speak about it often. It was as much a part of me now as my hair or my eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he had...seen all of me, I reminded myself. Had </span>
  <em>
    <span>accepted</span>
  </em>
  <span> me. Still...the thought of my newest scar being so exposed to him in such a way, as jagged and- </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>ugly.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My gaze shot to his in surprise, just in time to see the beginnings of a smirk pulling at his lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Some days, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> wondered if he could read the thoughts spinning through my mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You haven’t even seen it yet,” I reminded him. He raised a brow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t matter.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gently yanked on the fabric again, coaxing me to acquiesce. With a pout, I rolled my eyes but raised my arms, letting him lift the shirt over my head. He discarded it to the side and I watched out of the corner of my eye as he examined the angry, bright red line that started just over the curve of my shoulder, travelled down my collarbone, and came to a stop between my breasts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His fingertips grazed the still-raised skin and I flinched out of instinct. He paused for a moment, his hand hovering an ilm over my shoulder. Waiting until I was comfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After spending a week in the infirmary, it didn’t hurt anymore, but I could still imagine a phantom of the pain that had been there. How </span>
  <em>
    <span>frightened</span>
  </em>
  <span> I had been-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I swallowed hard, but gave him a timid nod.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gently gripped my arm and leaned down to me. I froze as he pressed his lips to the scar. I sucked in a sharp breath, closing my eyes as a chill skittered up my spine. I could feel my heart beginning to pound so rapidly in my chest that I thought he would be able to feel it </span>
  <em>
    <span>thumping</span>
  </em>
  <span> against his mouth, as close as he was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beautiful,” he breathed. My breath caught in my throat with a quiet whimper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stroked my shoulder with his thumb as he continued, slowly, tenderly kissing the entire length of the injury, his breath hot against my skin. My arm wrapped around his neck, fingers threading into his hair and curling into his scalp as I exhaled shakily, honing in on the feel of his lips against me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he had reached the bottom tip of the scar, he began to stand again, pausing only to press his mouth to the corner of my lips. I opened my eyes again as he straightened. He gave me a sad, knowing smile and nodded his head in the direction of the tub. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, hero. In you go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I did as he instructed, sliding off of the counter to finish undressing. When I had, he took my hand and helped me into the water. I sat myself down into one end of the bathtub as he climbed into the other. I hugged my legs to my chest as the water lapped against me with his movement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” I asked quietly as he settled himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I...said some things to you that were not very nice,” I responded. “But you’re still here, trying to help me feel better.” He hummed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you mean what you said?” I felt the heat of embarrassment return to my cheeks and I pressed my forehead to my knees to hide my face as I shook my head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, of course not. I was-I would </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span>-” He chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” he interrupted. “I know shame when I see it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m...sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The water rippled as he sat forward. I felt fingers under my chin as he coaxed me to look at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> your fault, hero.” I searched the look in his eyes. The tenderness, the sincerity. That </span>
  <em>
    <span>look</span>
  </em>
  <span> that he reserved for me alone. I swallowed to keep the tears from rising again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How?” I whispered, attempting to keep my voice from breaking. “I...It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> idea. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> took them there. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I- </span>
  </em>
  <span>How can they trust me again after-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shushed me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They went willingly, did they not? They, too, thought your goal was attainable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head and I felt my chin tremble. Gently, he pushed my legs aside and slid his hands under my arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come here, Warrior of Light.” He pulled me with him as he sat back against the wall of the bathtub. He set me down into his lap and wound his arms around me, holding me firmly in place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a pout, I hooked my arms under his, pressing my cheek flat against his chest, allowing not only the warmth of the water, but also the warmth of his body to soothe me, ground me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have not lost their trust,” he assured me, amusement in his voice. “Far from it. I am willing to bet that they are, right at this very moment, relieved that you are alright...and planning your next adventure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…” I sighed, my own words failing me. He sat in silence while I attempted to sort through my thoughts. How do you, as the supposed bravest person in the world, tell someone that you were </span>
  <em>
    <span>frightened</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ran his hands up and down my back in an attempt to ease my churning mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I felt so powerless,” I admitted, finally, quietly. He paused his movement. “I’m...the Warrior of Light.” My voice was nearly a whine. “And I…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I broke down, then. My entire body was trembling in his arms as I began to weep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m supposed to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>brave</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you are, hero. Bravery is </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> whether or not you were successful. Which you </span>
  <em>
    <span>were</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I might add.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Barely</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bravery is mastering your fear and </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> running in the face of danger.” He chuckled, pulling my hair over one shoulder. “Which I am sure is not something you have </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever</span>
  </em>
  <span> done in your entire life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was </span>
  <em>
    <span>so afraid</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” I started again, my voice wobbling. Emet-Selch was quiet for a long moment, renewing his hold on me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” he breathed, the light-hearted quality previous in his tone turned somber. “I know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t-” I huffed a strangled laugh. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>don’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> want to die. I’ve never been so afraid of something in my life. All I could think about as I bled out was how </span>
  <em>
    <span>desperate</span>
  </em>
  <span> I was to stay. How </span>
  <em>
    <span>badly</span>
  </em>
  <span> I wanted to remain here, by your side. To-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another fit of sobs wracked my body, interrupting my confession, and I curled in on myself. He shifted under me, moving his arms to place both hands on the sides of my face, forcing me to lift my head and look at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me.” My chin trembled in his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To...to see you smile at </span>
  <em>
    <span>me </span>
  </em>
  <span>again.” I searched his eyes as they became glassy, a soft smile breaking out onto my face as I reached up, placing my palm on his cheek. “Even if you don’t feel the same...Even if it was only that </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupid</span>
  </em>
  <span> grin that makes me want to smack you.” He huffed a laugh. “It makes me feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> good and I...I wasn’t ready to give that up yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would have </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> allowed it,” he said with a force I was not expecting. His thumbs brushed away the tears that had begun to fall before he leaned forward, pressing his forehead to mine. “I know I am not always forthcoming with my sentiments, but know that, were it within my power, I would </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> leave you to die.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I exhaled unsteadily with an understanding nod. He pulled back, only to tuck me under his chin. I wound my arms around him and buried my face in his chest as I clung to him as tightly as I could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was there, yes,” he continued. “But truth be told, I arrived...later than I had expected to.” His swallow was audible, a shiver coursing through his body despite the heat of the water we sat in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you...I certainly did not enjoy watching you bleed out in the middle of Kholusia.” He heaved a heavy sigh. “But by the time I got there, it seemed that your friends had the matter under control. I do not have the ability to heal, merely bind- which your historian had done a decent job of already. But, if I had thought, for a single moment, that you were not in capable hands, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>would</span>
  </em>
  <span> have stepped in. As incompetent as I find most of humanity, your friends certainly seem to know what they’re doing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He raised one hand, combing his fingers through my hair and I inhaled a deep, steadying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you come see me?” I asked sheepishly, voice muffled against his skin. A quiet chuckle rose out of him, rumbling against my cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your friends refused to leave you, even as you slept.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve never cared about that before.” He hummed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I felt that I would have merely been a hindrance to your recovery. A...</span>
  <em>
    <span>distraction</span>
  </em>
  <span>. That gunbreaker of yours </span>
  <em>
    <span>truly</span>
  </em>
  <span> despises me, and I decidedly did </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> want you to feel like you had to attempt to keep the peace between us. I wanted you to </span>
  <em>
    <span>rest.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded my head again, tightening my arms around him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I am sorry, hero,” he whispered sadly. “For making you doubt me.” My fingers dug into his skin in response, heart twisting. I quickly lifted my head so that I could see his face </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That he would think that I-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I-I didn’t mean-” One side of his mouth tugged upward as I searched his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” I huffed a sigh through my nose and returned to my previous position, nuzzling my nose into his chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” I mumbled. “For watching over me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, my dearest Warrior,” he cooed, pressing his lips to the top of my head as he pulled me closer. “You have no need to thank me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We fell quiet for a long while. He let me rest against him as I managed to calm myself down, but eventually sat me up and helped wash the sweat and dirt and tears from my skin, gently and carefully swiping the washcloth lathered with a calming, lavender soap across the scar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Afterwards, despite my protests, he plunged his hands into my hair, scrubbing my scalp with the pads of his fingers. I pouted, but let him do as he pleased, my head bobbing with the movement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time he had finished and began leaning me back to rinse, the adrenaline had fully drained from my body and, paired with the soothing quality of his touch and the soft smell of the soap, I was struggling to keep my eyes open. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckled as he examined my face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lunch first,” he reminded me. “Nap after.” I clicked my tongue as he sat me up again, the water streaming from my hair and down my back causing a chill to run up my spine. I spun around in the water to face him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why can’t we nap first?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As if in response to my question, my stomach growled. He grinned and I hung my head, unable to stop the smile spreading across my own lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” I groaned as I braced my hands on the side of the tub and hauled myself up. I reached for two towels, handing one off to him as he stood up next to me. “But you better make it fast.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He raised a brow as he stepped onto the tile floor, wrapping the towel around his waist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m</span>
  </em>
  <span> making lunch, am I?” I shot him an innocent, doe-eyed look as I began drying my hair. “All by myself?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> tired,” I said, feigning a whine. “I can hardly keep my eyes open.” He scoffed, placing his hands on his hips with a shake of his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unbelievable. You’re only tired because you pushed yourself too hard.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” I ceded with a roll of my eyes, folding my own towel around my body. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>guess</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’ll set the table.” The Ascian chuckled as he laid his arm across my shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How very generous of you,” he teased, leading me out of the bathing room. He tugged me closer to him, pressing a swift kiss to my temple. “Glad to see that you’re back to yourself, Warrior of Light.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hummed and shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what you’re here for, isn’t it?” I asked, looking up at him. “To make sure </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> always come back.” His eyes scanned my face for a moment before he breathed a laugh, pausing when we reached the stairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For as long as you want me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I brightened, my smile widening as I nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As if I </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever</span>
  </em>
  <span> wanted him to leave. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A moment later, I heaved a histrionic sigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>suppose</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’m awake enough to help you cook, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ascian</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” I announced, then began skipping down the stairs, the sound of his chuckle following me all the way to the kitchen.</span>
</p>
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